Editor's note: For those unfamiliar, the Captain's Log is a blog about my true day-to-day life except it's encoded into a sci-fi story. The terminology and settings are obviously inspired by Star Trek, but the story does not actually take place in the Star Trek universe.
Tags: WTH; Cap'n; Surreal; Not-so-serious
We've found a traitor in our midst. For unknown reasons, Crewman Lionel Jefferson attempted to sabotage our ship as we approach Sagittarius A*. Amidst the chaos, Crewman Charles Anderson has killed Crewman Jefferson by flushing him down the Captain's space toilet.
That was 4 days ago. Since then, we have been in the midst of a ship-wide plumbing jam. Some component in Crewman Jefferson's clothes has reacted with the lining of the ship plumbing, causing it to expand and harden, entirely blocking any and all function of the plumbing system.
The "Immortal Jam", as the crew has named it, has so far proven immune to any and all standard and non-standard plumbing techniques. It cannot be moved with hooks or plungers. It does not disintegrate or weaken with any chemical agent applied to it. It is seemingly immune to explosives. Even after replacing the pipes, the remaining particles in the plumbing system merely reacted with the new pipe to form a new clog. As Crewman Bill Hadron put it, "This is an achievement perhaps unparalleled in maintenance literature."
As Captain, it is my duty to handle any and all situations that arise in the course of this mission, and I will fulfill that duty to the highest standard I am capable of. Nevertheless, I did not become Captain so I could spend my time handling endless "Space Accidents".
I hereby petition the Federation to update it's official uniforms such that they do not promptly destroy any and all plumbing fixtures in their general proximity. I additionally petition that ships should be supplied with adequate tools to repair the plumbing system in the field.
Lastly, I request two repair crews to be sent to us: one to completely replace the plumbing system in our ship, and another to replace an airlock. This is because in the short term, I will be installing an ad-hoc system in one of our airlocks so it will function as a make-shift vacuum toilet.
And yes, I do understand how ruinously expensive a proper Federation approved airlock system is. If the Federation also understands how expensive these airlocks are, then I humbly suggest they take some measures to prevent and recover from catastrophic plumbing failures on ships with over 400 people and few opportunities for repair.
Tags: Cap'n; Surreal; Not-so-serious
Every day on this planet, we see the black hole rise in the northeast sky. All of our knowledge tells us that black holes have an event horizon, beyond which not even light can escape. So why is it that the ship's sensors are detecting glimpses of something beyond the event horizon? We've ruled out the possibility of it being an afterimage of anything entering the black hole. Whatever it is seems to be actually there, beyond a barrier which light should not ever be able to pass, yet it is somehow still reaching us.
And what a strange sight it is. It's a seemingly grey, rocky surface, with tall square pillars that should not ever have been formed naturally. Has there perhaps been some unknown alien society which has figured out how to enter a black hole and return? And if so, for what possible purpose could they have built something inside the black hole itself?
From here, ship repairs are nearly complete and the crew has been recovered. My training with the natives seems to be complete and we can successfully fend off the unknown alien that was harassing us. Our rescue crew has arrived, and is working to identify the alien and expedite ship repairs.
When matters are in order, our next steps are clear. We will return the samples we've gathered on this mission and proceed towards the black hole to investigate this phenomenon. Other missions can either be placed on hold or transferred to other ships in the area.
Tags: Cap'n; Surreal; Not-so-serious
Ship upgraded. Alien at bay. Seeming rescue in the distance. There is no rest from repairs, we need to be back for the next mission ASAP.
Tags: Cap'n; Surreal; Not-so-serious
The alien was stronger than expected. I've been injured through some unidentified attack and I expect to take several days before I am recovered. My training schedule will be relaxed so I can recover. This unfortunately is likely to set back the entire recovery mission.
The techniques I'm learning are become more advanced. I may even be able to defeat this alien entirely in the relatively near future, but that must wait until my health has recovered.
Tags: Cap'n; Surreal; Not-so-serious
The unidentified alien is cornering me, lurking around this very corner as we speak. My new training is about to be put to it's first test. I am confident I can at minimum forge an escape route. I only expect this encounter to test precisely how effective my technique is, but nevertheless I shall not let my guard down.
Training has been more intense than anticipated. Even with the aid of the natives, I have still found little rest, as their training has demanded my full attention and efforts.
I'm beginning to understand some of the basics of their unknown language. I seem to have correctly learned a few basic words, such as "bread" and "shoe." When I get out of this, I hope my notes will be the first steps to identifying their tongue and introducing them into the larger intergalactic community.
Lastly, my communicator has received new orders. It seems our shipment of samples from the last planet were not stored in a Federation approved packing order. My new orders say I am to cease all other operations immediately until I sort the samples into an approved order and ship them back to the Federation.
My communicator cannot send outward messages at this time, so I will log my response here: As the highest ranking officer in this mission, it is my sworn duty to use my best judgment in responding to a given situation for the success and safety of ship, crew, and the Federation at large. Due to my judgment of the current circumstances, I respectfully decline to fulfill these new orders.
I kindly recommend for the Federation to have someone sort the samples at the shipment facility if they have not already been shipped back when this message is received. If the samples have been shipped back and my ship and crew have not issued a new report when this message is received, then I urgently request a rescue crew and a maintenance crew to be sent to the system at 21912.19/3053.98/-54.15 and proceed towards the homing beacon therein.
Tags: Cap'n; Surreal; Not-so-serious
It was an alien, George. It appeared in front of me and said "Don't be a maid." That was the exact moment when I decided the personal service industry would fare better without me.
I've been on the run for three days now. My provisions have offered sufficient food and water, but little chance to rest. The ship is in no better condition than when I last left her and she still needs ample work before she will be ready for take off. The crew is still separated from me, and I know nothing of their condition beyond they are still elsewhere on the planet and have no working means of communicating with me.
It seems my visit to this planet will be prolonged until I can establish basic safety for myself and my crew and restore the ship.
Today I've encountered some friendly natives who speak in an unfamiliar language. They are offering me shelter and a chance to rest, and under the circumstances I have no choice but to accept.
The shelter offered is meager, and I must balance recovering what rest I can with learning the essential skills to fight back the unidentified alien. The unidentified alien is immune to conventional weapons, but the natives know of techniques that can affect it.
Today I shall train enough to back the unidentified alien off, and then rest as much as I can. My new technique and energy will not be enough to truly escape, but I can buy enough time and space to start building a counterattack.
Final note: It seems recent events have damaged the previous log entries. I've already instated measures to secure future entries and have preparations in place to try and restore the historic logs. For now that must wait until the ship is functional again and the crew is safely recovered.
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